Bila baca topik ni, mesti orang tertanya-tanya mengapa dan apa yang telah terjadi pada diri aku. Terus-terang aku katakan, bahawa hari ini merupakan hari yang agak mengecewakan bagi aku. Kecewa kerana perempuan? Cukup-cukuplah aku dikecewakan. Dah berkali-kali menghadapi perkara ni dan aku rasa, aku dah lali dengan benda seperti ni. Kecewa dengan kehidupan? Bolehkah kita kecewa dengan hidup yang kita lalui? Dimana kesemua keputusan, kita yang tentukan? Aku mungkin kecewa dengan diri aku sendiri, dengan apa yang pernah aku buat, tapi kehidupan, perlu diteruskan.

Hari ini
aku mempunyai tugasan di luar. Hari ini juga, aku mempunyai temu janji dengan "Head Hunter" (aku kurang pasti apakah selepas terjemahan ianya dipanggil pemburu kepala atau pemburu pekerja) pada waktu petangnya. Tiba waktu yang dijanjikan, aku pun bertemu dengan "Head Hunter" tersebut. Buat pengetahuan semua, aku merupakan seorang yang yakin terhadap diri dan kebolehan diri aku. Tapi aku mempunyai kelemahan aku tersendiri. Pada pengamatan aku, aku akan berasa gugup bila berhadapan dengan orang yang aku rasa lebih bagus dari aku. Aku yang pada mulanya rasa yakin, kini menjadi seorang yang kurang keyakinan. Aku yang perasan diri ku sudah cukup bagus, kini rasa diri ku ini terlalu kecil. Penemuduga meminta aku menceritakan perihal diri aku. Aku dengan bersahaja, menceritakan sedikit sebanyak perihal diri aku. Aku tersentap pabila aku kaku bila menceritakan perihal diri aku dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Lantas aku teringat kekurangan diri aku yang akan menjadi kurang fasih bila bercakap dalam Bahasa Inggeris bila aku merasakan aku kurang bagus dari orang yang sedang aku hadapi.

temuduga tidak rasmi itu, aku rasa agak kecewa dengan diri aku dan terhadap prestasi aku. Ku fikirkan kembali apakah yang membuatkan aku menjadi kaku sedangkan aku menggunakan Bahasa Inggeris dalam pekerjaan aku seharian. Apakah aku kurang mempraktikkan bahasa itu atau aku memang kaku. Rasanya, aku perlu mencari seseorang yang boleh membantu aku memperbaiki kemahiran bertutur ku dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Jadi, mulai hari ini, aku bertekad untuk memperbanyakkan penggunaan Bahasa Inggeris dalam pertuturan aku seharian. Mungkin adalah benar, aku masih lemah dalam penguasaan aku dalam bahasa ini, mahu di dalam pertuturan, atau di dalam penulisan.

GRuNGe BaND : NiRVaNa (PaRT 1)


Nirvana was an American rock band that was formed by singer/guitarist Kurt Cobain and bassist Krist Novoselic in Aberdeen, Washington in 1987. Nirvana went through a succession of drummers, the most notable being Dave Grohl, who joined the band in 1990. With the lead single "Smells Like Teen Spirit" from the band's second album Nevermind (1991), Nirvana entered into the mainstream, bringing along with it a subgenre of alternative rock called grunge. Other Seattle grunge bands such as Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden also gained popularity, and as a result, alternative rock became a dominant genre on radio and music television in the United States during the early-to-mid-1990s. As Nirvana's frontman, Kurt Cobain found himself referred to in the media as the "spokesman of a generation", with Nirvana the "flagship band" of Generation X. Cobain was uncomfortable with the attention and placed his focus on the band's music, believing the band's message and artistic vision to have been misinterpreted by the public, challenging the band's audience with its third studio album In Utero (1993).

Nirvana's brief run ended with Cobain's death in April 1994, but the band's popularity continued in the years that followed. In 2002, "You Know You're Right", an unfinished demo from the band's final recording session, topped radio playlists around the world. Since their debut, the band has sold over twenty-five million albums in the US alone, and over fifty million worldwide.


Early Years

Cobain and Novoselic met in 1985. Both were fans of the Melvins, and frequented the band's practice space. After a couple of false starts at forming their own band, the duo recruited drummer Aaron Burckhard, creating the first incarnation of what would eventually become Nirvana. Cobain later described the sound of the band when they first started as "a Gang of Four and Scratch Acid ripoff". Within a few months, Burckhard was fired from the band. He was temporarily replaced by Dale Crover of the Melvins, who played on the band's first demos. Dave Foster then began a brief tenure as the band's drummer.

During its initial months, the band went through a series of names, including Skid Row, Pen Cap Chew, and Ted Ed Fred. The band finally settled on Nirvana in early 1988, which Cobain said was chosen because "I wanted a name that was kind of beautiful or nice and pretty instead of a mean, raunchy punk rock name like the Angry Samoans". Nirvana played their first show under the name that March. A couple of months later, the band finally settled on a drummer, Chad Channing.

Nirvana's first release was the single "Love Buzz/Big Cheese" in 1988 on Seattle independent record label Sub Pop. The following year, the band released its first album, Bleach. To record Bleach, the band turned to noted local producer Jack Endino, who had recorded the band's first studio demos. Bleach was highly influenced by the Melvins, by the heavy dirge-rock of Mudhoney, 1980s punk rock, the Pixies, and by the 1970s heavy metal of Black Sabbath. Novoselic noted in a 2001 interview with Rolling Stone that the band had played a tape in their van while on tour that had an album by The Smithereens on one side and an album by the black metal band Celtic Frost on the other, and noted that the combination probably played an influence as well. Bleach became a favorite of college radio stations nationally, but gave few hints of where the band would find itself two years later.

The money for the recording sessions for Bleach, listed as $606.17 on the album sleeve, was supplied by Jason Everman. Everman was introduced to Cobain by Dylan Carlson, but had known Channing since the fifth grade. Everman began hanging out with the band, and offered to lend the money to them for the recording. Though Everman did not actually play on the album, he was credited for playing guitar on Bleach because, according to Novoselic, they "wanted to make him feel more at home in the band". After the album was completed, Everman had a brief and contentious stay with the band as a second guitar player, but was fired following their first US tour.

In a late 1989 interview, Cobain noted that the band's music was changing. He said, "The early songs were really angry ... But as time goes on the songs are getting poppier and poppier as I get happier and happier. The songs are now about conflicts in relationships, emotional things with other human beings". In April 1990, the band began working with producer Butch Vig at Smart Studios in Madison, Wisconsin on recordings for the follow-up to Bleach. During the sessions, Kurt and Krist became disenchanted with Channing's drumming, and Channing expressed frustration at not being actively involved in songwriting. Not long after the sessions were complete, Channing was gone from the band. After a few weeks with Dale Crover of the Melvins filling in, Nirvana hired Mudhoney drummer Dan Peters, with whom they recorded the song "Sliver". A few weeks later, Buzz Osborne of the Melvins introduced them to Dave Grohl, who was looking for a new band following the sudden break-up of D.C. hardcore punks Scream. A few days after arriving in Seattle, Novoselic and Cobain auditioned Grohl, with Novoselic later stating, "We knew in two minutes that he was the right drummer".